A few years ago, I had a chat with an elderly gentleman who
gave me some pretty insightful words of wisdom. "What we need to realize
in life, is that our happiness is not dependent on anyone but ourselves,"
he said. "We cannot make anyone happy, just as no one can make us happy,
but we can enhance another's
happiness." Wow. His words spoke to me in volumes. It made me reevaluate
my own happiness and the things I was doing to "make" others happy.
I ended up making a lot of changes in my life after this conversation.
Of all the changes I made, my biggest challenge was to stop trying to make
others happy. One of the ways I changed this behavior was to focus on enhancing happiness, especially for
strangers. Focusing on strangers was a perfect start for me, because it took
the personal involvement out of what I naturally want to do - try to make
others happy. Without the emotional connection, it was much easier to start
transforming my mindset from "making someone happy" to
"enhancing someone's happiness."
My challenge to you is to give this way of thinking a try.
Make yourself happy (a topic for another day) and try to enhance the happiness
of someone else, especially a strangers! Need help getting started? Here are five
of my favorite ways to enhancing a stranger's happiness:
1. Lend a hand. Surely
you've seen some scene in a movie where a person with handfuls of groceries is
walking to his/her car when all of a sudden the bag breaks and fruit goes
flying across the lot, right? Well, this actually happens. It is usually the
icing on the cake of someone's bad day. Enhance this stranger's happiness by
helping to pick up the groceries on the ground. Lending a hand doesn't take but
a minute of your time, makes you feel good
and
helps someone else. Sounds like a win-win to me.
2. Be polite. Hold
a door for the person behind you. Tell the barista at Starbucks "thank
you" when you receive that cup of gold in the morning. Say
"please" when asking for something. It's not hard to do, but we get
so caught up in ourselves sometimes that we forget how these simple gestures
can affect others. A lot of people, especially those waiting on you or serving
your food, feel underappreciated at times. Asking if you could "please get
some more napkins" instead of demanding them can make that persons day
just a little brighter. How can you go wrong with that?
3. Listen. No one
likes it when the person you are talking to only half-hears what your saying
Taking the time to actively listen to what another person is saying can make a
big difference, especially when interacting with a stranger. Make eye contact
(if possible) and ask appropriate questions. Express your understanding or ask
for clarification. People generally feel good when they are heard and
understood, and it is a great way to start building connections. Actively
listening has so many benefits - enhancing someone else's happiness is just one
of them.
4. Give compliments. Complimenting
strangers is one of my favorite things to do, but was also one of the hardest
things for me to get started. As an fairly shy person, I initially felt it was
awkward to tell someone I pass in the hall way or catch in the elevator a
compliment. But it is
so worth it. To
see that person's eyes light up or the smile sneak up on them is the best thing
to witness. And it's so easy to do! We see things and think them silently all
the time.
That color compliments her
eyes... He has a fantastic smile... Look at those shoes! LOVES! Don't keep
these thoughts in your head - share them! Tell her you love those shoes or that
the color compliments her eyes. Let him know he has a great smile. It will make
him/her feel good and it's amazing. So worth it.
5. Go the extra mile.
This one can be a little tricky with strangers, but, again, it's worth it.
I use this one a lot at work, primarily because my interactions with strangers
can be a little more lengthy than one may find in line at the coffee shop or on
the elevator. My favorite example of "going the extra mile" actually
comes from my bank. Before I got married last year, I called my bank to see
what I needed to do to change my name after the wedding. The customer service
was friendly as always, and that was that. Abut three days later I received a
card from them in the mail congratulating me on my upcoming wedding and wishing
my husband and I a happy future together. I actually cried. It was so sweet and
simple, but meant a lot that the customer service representative too the time
to write the note. That is going the mile for sure! Taking that extra step to
brighten someone's day doesn't have to be that much though. It can be as simple
as telling someone to have a great day or wishing them happy birthday. Practice
ways 1-4 to discover ways to go the extra mile for a stranger, and feel good
because you enhanced someone's happiness.
What's your favorite
way to enhancing a stranger's happiness? Please share in the comments below!
